Researchers have found that men’s friendships with the opposite sex are driven by sexual attraction, regardless of whether they are single.
Women, however, are more likely to consider their friendships with men as platonic – and only hoped for more if their own relationship was in trouble.
Oops: A new study shows that sexual attraction does usually interfere in platonic relationships despite what some may think
The researchers said the study had ‘potential negative consequences’ for people in long-term relationships.
They said the impact of work, hobbies and university has seen friendships between men and women reach unprecedented levels.
But our mating instincts, which have evolved over hundreds of thousands of years, may get in the way.
In a survey, 88 pairs of young male and female friends were asked to rate their attraction to each other in a confidential questionnaire.
Men – whether attached or single – were more likely to be attracted to their female friends and want to go on a date with them than the other way around.
They also assumed their female friends were more romantically interested in them than they actually were – and women tended to be unaware of this.
Just good friends: The study revealed men
consistently and mistakenly assume that their female friends are
attracted to them more than they actually are
Women were also less attracted to attached men.
A second questionnaire for 140 middle-aged people, who were almost all married, found levels of attraction between male and female friends fairly equal. Middle-aged men’s attraction to their female friends was much lower than that of the younger men, except among those who were single.
For women, levels of attraction had stayed the same.
Participants of both questionnaires said they gained benefits from friendship with the opposite sex including getting good advice and boosting their confidence, according to the study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
Those who did harbour a secret crush were five times more likely to see it as a potential problem than a benefit. But more men than women saw it as a perk.
The authors of the study, from the University of Wisconsin, said films and television programmes had helped instill the idea that normal friends can easily become ‘friends with benefits’ – friends who have sex with each other.
In When Harry Met Sally, Harry says that sexual tension gets in the way of friendship even with girls he finds unattractive.
Sally disagrees and is furious when Harry tells her she is attractive.
After many chance meetings over the years, Harry proposes they become friends. But the two eventually fall in love.
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